AN INQUISITIVE YOUNG MIND by Eva
It's the night before Christmas, and all
through the house, not a
creature is stirring, not even a
mouse.
[Zoë yawns.]
What's the matter with you, kiddo?
You begged me to get in here and
read you a bedtime story.
Yeah, but
Zac, you've read this one every year since I can remember.
Well I thought
it was appropriate seeings it is kinda Christmas Eve and all-
It's kinda
boring.
Oh… well what do you want to hear?
I wanna hear about what
really happens on Christmas.
What really happens?
Yeah. Dean in my
class at school told me that it's not really Santa
that drops the presents
under the tree. He said Mommy does it.
That little
bastard.
Zac!
Sorry, that little… pee brain.
So does that
mean it's true?
What? Dean the pee brain? I can safely say that you can
count that as-
No, I meant about Santa. That he doesn't drop the
presents under the tree.
Well Zo… well yeah, I guess it is
true.
So… Santa doesn't exist?
No way, of course Santa exists. He
just… he's a busy guy that's all.
Why is he busy if he's not delivering
presents to anyone?
Because… well because he has to make all the presents
first. He goes
into the workshop and helps all the little elves make
everything all
year, and by Christmas time he's just… well, he's one tired
Santa.
When I opened my present last year, it had a price tag that said
it
was from K-mart.
Price tag? On your Christmas present? Well, the
elves must have put it
there to throw you off the scent. They don't like
people to know that
they exist.
How do you know then?
Well
because…
[Zac sighs.]
Because I used to work there.
With
the elves?
No, at K-mart. The elves would come in every year right
before
Christmas time and I'd have to let them in the back door.
But
what were they doing there?
Coming to steal price tags of course. They'd
take the price tags off
every single thing in the shop so they could have
enough to put one on
every single present they made in their workshop.
Then why did you let them in if they were stealing?
Because…
K-mart sponsors them. It's like this big, complicated deal
they have cut out.
Santa gets in one of their advertisements and they
give them all their price
tags.
So they weren't really stealing them?
Well… no, not
exactly.
If they make everything in the workshop, why can't they make
pricetags
and just pretend they're from
K-mart?
…
Zac?
The pricetags at K-mart, they're… they're
special. They have like…
[Zac pauses]
Hey Zo, you know how people
get sent to jail for making fake money?
Well, the elves would go to jail if
they tried to make fake K-mart
stickers. It's just the law.
What
about in other countries? Is it the law their too?
Yeah sure. It's
universal law.
Why did they make it a law? Have elves tried to make the
fake stickers before?
Um, you know, actually they did. It was on the news
about three years
ago. German elves, they were, sneaky little tykes. Every
single kid
in
in
Santa was so humiliated
he didn't even pay bail.
But I thought all elves were from the North
Pole?
Isn't that what I said?
No, you said they were German.
What I meant was they were living in the North Pole with Santa and
Mrs
Claus, but they were <I>originally</I> from
immigrant elves, they were.
Wow, does that mean there are elves
from all the countries around the world?
Sure, there are American elves
and Swedish elves and… French elves…
What about African
elves?
Sure, if you want.
Did you ever meet an African elf, Zac?
At K-mart?
Yeah, course I did. Small fella, wearing a little green,
striped
jumpsuit thingo. Talked a lot, he did. And every step he went
the
little bells on his shoes would ring.
So does that mean they all
speak English? Even the African elves?
No, no. All the elves… when they
immigrate to the North Pole, Santa
teaches them to speak… uh,
Elfish.
So how did you talk to them?
Did I say that? Well, yeah,
obviously because I… speak Elfish. Yeah,
it was compulsory to learn it if you
wanted to work at K-mart.
Can you say something now?
What, in
Elfish?
Yeah.
Um, okay… ello-hay oe-zay.
What did you
say?
Hello Zoë.
Say it again.
Ello-hay oe-zay.
It
doesn't sound like elves would speak it.
Well they did. Really fast too,
it was really hard to keep up with them.
Do they like cookies,
Zac?
Who, the elves?
Yeah.
Well of course they do. Elves
really… they're just small kids who're a
bit magical and work with Santa.
They still like milk and cookies like
you do.
What about beer? Mom
leaves that under the tree sometimes. Isn't that
against the
law?
Yeah… in
It's like… their national drink.
But it doesn't make any of the little
elves drunk because its magical beer,
and you can drink it forever and
ever.
But the beer we put under our
Christmas tree isn't magical.
Yeah, that's because Santa drinks it. And
Santa's an adult, so he can
drink regular beer as well as magic
beer.
But I thought you said Santa doesn't really come to everyone's
houses
on Christmas Eve.
…
…
Zac?
Yes
Zo?
What really happens on Christmas?
Look Zo… Christmas is… it's
unexplainable really. Everyone's families
are different. Just because Dean's
Mom likes to pretend she's Santa
doesn't mean our Mom does. Some people
leave cookies and some people
don't even have a Christmas tree. Everything
just works out
differently depending on what you believe in. Sometimes Santa
comes
and sometimes he doesn't.
…
So do the elves really
immigrate, Zac?
[Zac sighs.]
Sure they do Zo.
So does that
mean one day I could be an elf?
Of course you can. You can be whatever
you want.
[Zoë yawns.]
Zac?
Yeah?
Have you ever
worked at K-mart?
No… no I haven't.
...
Merry Christmas
Zac.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.