But really, it wasn't very often that his feet didn't hurt.  Working on his feet all day was always hard.   But in the winter, the cold leached through his work boots and made his feet ache clear up to his knees.

 

Today had been particularly brutal.

 

Part of what made it so brutal was the temperatures dipping down into the single digits.  Another part, was that it was Christmas Eve and he felt like there was too little under the tree for his wife and three kids. Still, there was just something truly unpleasant about standing ankle deep in water trying to get a hose bid hooked into the side of a million dollar home.   A home once finished, he'd never be invited to cross the threshold of again. When Zac whistled at him beckoning him to get out of his wet hole, he'd never been so happy.

 

Well, maybe not the happiest, but happy to be out of a hole filled with water beginning to freeze around the edges.   He stumbled slightly as he walked across the yard.  Usually he was the graceful one, but his feet were frozen. 

 

"Easy there."  Zac said as Taylor pulled the passenger door of Zac's truck open.

 

"I think I may have frost bite." Taylor said as he eased the laces on the front of his boots.  Hoping that the warm air would find its way to his very cold feet.   "Dude, I want another job."

 

"I want world peace, but what are ya' gonna do?" Zac said as he dropped the ancient truck into drive.  They fell into an easy silence both of them lost in their own private world of wants and needs.  "Sometimes, I think Ike is the lucky one."

 

"Me too."  Taylor agreed, although he knew that Isaac would disagree heartily.  

 

The sun had been warm that day.  Too warm. Taylor had stripped off his t-shirt soon after arriving at work; it lay abandoned on the hood of Zac's truck.   Fairly quickly, he could feel his shoulders pinking up. But honestly, he didn't care. It was just too hot.

 

"Man, I hate this job."  Taylor complained as he tried to force a hose bid onto the pipe sticking out of the foundation. "It's either too hot or too cold. I swear there is no in between."

 

"Not much…" Isaac agreed sitting on a pile of dirt behind Taylor. He pulled a cigarette out from behind his ear and flipped open his Zippo lighter.   "It just pretty much sucks to have to work this hard every day.  And for what?  To build houses that we can never afford in our wildest dreams."

 

"Better to install the shitter than to be shit on." Zac said as he walked by carrying the base of a toilet.

 

"True that…" Isaac agreed as he leaned back, stretching his legs long in front of him.

 

"Let me have a drag of that." Taylor said reaching out for the cigarette. 

 

"Go ahead, finish it." Isaac said handing it to Taylor. "The air smells particularly nice…"

 

Taylor took the offered smoke and turned around. Isaac had started singing something that sounded familiar, but not. None of them saw the truck turn the corner loaded down with the enormous pipes that were going in for the sewer in the new development.    No one saw the chain snap.  The next thing Taylor remembered was the sound of the cement pipe rolling over Isaac's legs, turning bones to dust basically.

 

Isaac's life had changed at that moment, drastically.

 

"So, what are you up to tonight?" Zac asked as he negotiated the familiar streets.

 

"Not much, " Taylor said sighing. "Nat's working at the diner so I'll have the kids and Ike.   That is unless Nik comes over."

 

"Damn, she's working at the diner?"  Zac asked shaking his head in disbelief.   "Who goes out on Christmas Eve?  Isn't it supposed to be about family on Christmas Eve?"

 

"I would think so." Taylor mumbled.  "But I guess that the truck drivers and lowlifes need somewhere to go."

 

"I suppose you're right."  Zac said sighing.

 

Taylor watched the world pass by the window with mild interest.  There was tons of snow on the ground and in this neighborhood, there were plenty of fancy decorations in every yard. The glow coming from the homes felt so inviting. The red and greens so rich he could practically taste what they represent. He caught glimpses of groups of people gathered around tables and Christmas trees. The piles of presents made his heart twinge as he realized that his children would be opening a present, not presents. He sighed tiredly.   " What about you?  What are you and Kate up to tonight?"

 

"Kate said she had a surprise for me."  Zac said shrugging.   "I suppose that means she's been reading that book again."

 

"Hey, be happy that she's still willing to pull out 101 Nights of Great Sex. "  Taylor sighed again. "Nat is scared of that book cause every single time we do anything remotely fun, she catches pregnant."

 

"Yeah, Kate is pretty much hoping that will happen to her." Zac said his voice taking on a sad tone.  

 

"It'll happen." Taylor said hating that his comment had made Zac feel bad. "Anyway, it sort of sucks… Once you make the baby, the fun ends. So, enjoy the process."

 

"Yeah, you've said that before." Zac mumbled.  "So, how is Isaac?"

 

"He seems to be doing better physically." Taylor answered yawning as the warmth of the truck started to break through the bone chilling cold he'd felt all day. "I just wish he'd find something better to do with his life than smoke all day…   Speaking of which, can we stop at 7-11 so I can grab a couple pack of smokes."

 

"Sure," Zac said moving over to the right so he could stop.  "Although, I can't believe I'm going to contribute to that filthy habit."

 

"Once Nat leaves, I'll be stuck at home with the kids and Ike and I know I'm gonna run out."   Taylor said as he popped the door open.   Taylor winced visibly as his feet hit the ground.  His feet had thawed just enough to make them swell.   And the truth was his feet just hurt.  As he walked into the warm convenience store, he decided that he'd grab some beer and some of those fancy wine coolers that Natalie liked.  Maybe he'd try to stay up and seduce her when she got home from work.  The third little one was almost four months old; maybe it was time to bust out his best moves.  

 

"Hey Taylor," the criminally cute cashier said smiling at him.

 

"Hey Sundee." Taylor said watching as she bounced almost imperceptibly, sending her killer body jiggling.   Watching her preen and smile at him only doubled his reserve to seduce his wife.  Something that had gotten harder and harder.  But really, there were so many aspects of his life that were hard.   Still, he found that he could get a lot done with a smile and some charm.  Tonight, he was too tired to even try to charm his way to the front of the long line.   So, he grabbed a case of Pabst for he and Isaac and sixer of something sweet for Natalie, he sighed as he stepped back in line.

 

And sometimes, the hardest part of it all was the idea that his home life wouldn't be much better than work.   He found himself somewhere he never thought he'd be, a father of three at twenty-three.  A baby a year.  It was just not what he expected from his life.   

 

In the beginning, being married was actually fun. It was fun and sexy, filled with books and experimentation.   He remembered days of explorations and lazy naked mornings with coffee in bed.

 

But, the initial fun burned away quickly with the morning sickness.

 

His first son had been a squalling, red-faced lump born six weeks too early. He had stood by helpless as things happened…   to him… to his too young wife…  to his son… He came way from the whole experience with a sour feeling in his stomach, a sickly, sallow baby and a sense of disenfranchisement. Still, he tried to make the best of a seemingly hopeless situation.

 

Soon, he found himself enjoying his new wife. Not that she was new strictly, but she felt new.  She had curves, a new softness that was reflected in her face and voice.   He found himself excited by the new nooks and crannies in what had previously been flat and taut. Her new softness was a gift.  A gift he took huge pleasure in unwrapping as often as possible.

 

Once the baby started sleeping through the night, their relationship took on a new intensity.  Instead of the mad exploration and manic experimentation, they began to connect on a deeper level.   Their coupling became furtive.  Both of them reaching levels of pleasure and connection that left them panting and yearning for more.   It was during this time, he realized that he really loved her.

 

The first day of morning sickness came on suddenly and ended a season of love.  Soon, she became hollow again.   She was so sick that she stopped eating except for the bare minimum and only every few days.  Her curves fell away, her eyes hollowed, her hair thinned. He had to admit that before the bump started to show, Natalie had begun to look sad and sallow like a cancer patient.   As this baby grew inside her so did a strange new distance between them and yet, her appetite for him became insatiable.  But it began to feel as hollow as her eyes.  

 

When the doctor handed him the pink, round lump that he would come to adore, he felt better prepared.  He understood more what was expected for him.  He took the baby girl home and showered her with the love that he could never find for his sickly first-born son.   He'd always been scared of him, but this little girl melted into him, cooed when he sang to her, looked into his eyes and somehow let him know that he was her everything.  He also stood by waiting.   Waiting for Natalie to come to him. 

 

And he waited.

 

He was never entirely sure when she caught up pregnant with the third baby.  He had no cognitive or sense memory of making him. Although, his birth date coincided nicely with New Year's Eve.   And well, he'd had a lot more to drink that night than he cared to admit.  And Natalie didn't talk to him the whole next day, her silence was hard and cold, her back forbidding.   He would search his memory of that night over and over again but could never come up with anything concrete.  He'd finally found the courage to ask her what had happened.   Her sad eyes told him it was something, but her mouth said "nothing."  He found himself apologizing over and over for something he wasn't sure happened.

 

But since the littlest one had been born, she had softened again.  She would snuggle into the crook of his arm and share his beer.   She would flash him a breast as she was skipping out the door to work or would give him an extra squeeze as she squeezed past him in the bathroom.  He noticed that she'd brought out her fancy panties again.  Maybe whatever had happened was forgiven.  He missed her. He missed being in love with her.  

 

His mind was far away as he stood in line.  He was perusing the selection of condoms and realized that maybe birth control was the way to go.  He was so caught up in wondering how his life had gotten to this point, to this place that he didn't notice what was going on at the counter until the gun went off.